What the heck is this sport?

My friend Kari Short, who has championed my writing and encouraged me for years to tell more stories, has finally convinced me to put my fingers on the keyboard again in an attempt to amuse others. You can choose to read this section of the webpage or skip it entirely...like the jester in a royal court, sometimes my audience will enjoy it or I might end up looking the fool, but that is nothing new (the fool part). So here goes...



What the heck is this sport?



It's not like other sports...it not only has its own rules and lingo, it has its own culture! This was not clear to me until my 16 year-old daughter came home and told me that she didn't want her brother to become a "LAX Bro".



"What is a LAX Bro?" I asked.



"Oh, they are the dudes (yes, she said DUDES) that play lacrosse and think that lacrosse is the greatest sport ever invented." She then went on to explain that they have a "look"---most have longish hair (the better to wave out behind the helmet), preppy clothes, and all they do is talk about lacrosse and use the lacrosse lingo. Frankly I thought that was what a "preppy" was---polo shirts and prep school sports---but apparently this goes one step beyond...it seems that they are not terribly nice to the girls (at least at her high school), but rather looking for the "hottest chick" to hang on their arm and come cheer them on until they find a prettier/cuter/"hotter" girl in the stands to romance via...TEXT MESSAGE...she used the word "tool"...I don't want to know what that means if it is anything other than something you can buy at Lowe's...



I hope she finds herself attracted to a baseball player very soon...



So this conversation got me thinking:

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS SPORT?!?!



(yes, this time I thought it in all caps with exclamation points)



I know nothing about this sport. Football I can somewhat understand. After all, I was the only cheerleader who could tell if our team was offense or defense when we were playing at a school that didn't have the little football light up on the scoreboard next to the name of the school that had possession (yes, I do know a couple of football words) of the ball. Perhaps this is my only achievement in understanding football (we have the ball=offense), but it wasn't alien and foreign to me and I had heard the words and lingo before.



When my son decided to wrestle I knew I was entering a new world...very strange sport, wrestling is (wow, that makes me sound like Yoda), but although I could not understand one thing that was happening on the mat, and could never tell what gets you points, I did know that it was hand-to-hand combat and it only took a few (very long) minutes...You want it to end and end quickly...your son is out there fighting another boy...something we send them to detention for doing unless they are wearing a very strange-looking leotard thing and are grappling each other on a mat...very. strange. sport.



So my son then selects as his 3rd sport to play at middle school---Lacrosse. Maybe it is the fact he is an Aries and although I don't attribute anything to astrological signs and what they supposedly say about you, I did find it ironic that my boy is born under the sign of a RAM. As in a sheep that wants to RAM things...hit things...



How about track? Let's do that...



I get running, I just don't do it myself...



But no, he picks the sport that the coach tells us from the get-go that the boys will be hurt and beat up and must wear the dreaded...cup...



How about track? Let's do that...



Football is violent...sorry, Dads, but it is. The sole purpose is to hit each other while some guy runs the ball down the field trying not to get hit. Wrestling is combat on a "I am a guy and I will beat the @$#% out of you" level...but LAX is a sport not unlike hockey where your bruises and scars are like some badge of courage. I remember my cousins, who all attended East-coast boarding schools where lacrosse has been played since the beginning of time, showing up to our family reunions with new scars...all the result of some violent thing called "lacrosse". I'm pretty sure they didn't wear all the padding, etc. that they wear now...at least I hope that is the reason I remember those scars and broken bones...



How about track? Let's do that...



So I decide to look on the internet and find some rules and explanation of the sport. My daughter did not play girl's lacrosse. She ran TRACK...



How about track? Let's do that...



So I find the rules, etc. about lacrosse. And I try to make sense of them. I thought about asking the sweet history teacher about it---he went to a prep school so I figured that even though he was a baseball and football player he may have had some exposure to it. The man is a coach (a LAX coach at that) and a very fine teacher, but I think I am better off letting him tell me that there was some culture called "Kush" that I never heard about in all my schooling, than to ask a guy who understands and "gets" sports as a whole to tell me about it. I am "sport stupid" and bless his heart, he would probably fire me as a parent if he tried to explain a sport to me. And since I really like the way he teaches my son, I think I will go on learning World History from him as I quiz my boy for tests...he can teach me about Kush and Masada (which I thought was some sort of Portuguese pastry but that is a "malasada") instead of some sport where someone is called "attacker". Back to the internet...



I have a college education. From a good school (and yes, you UT people, A&M is just as good as your mecca of orange and white). But I don't get this sport. I still have no idea what any of it is about. I get that you put a ball in the net and the goalie tries to stop you...my kids both played soccer and my daughter plays the female equivalent so LAX (field hockey...girls LAX is way tamer). I get the "ball in the goal" thing. But it is all this other stuff... like what the heck is "the crease"? There is a whole dictionary devoted to lacrosse terms:

http://www.e-lacrosse.com/laxicon.html



I don't understand most of them...



How about track? Let's do that...



I guess I will have to figure it out when I watch a game. I might pay some 8th grade boy to sit next to me and explain the game to me as I watch. I really want to know what the crease is and why the attacker can't enter it...



Maybe I'll just hide behind my camera...I love photographing sports...



How about track? Let's do that...



NO! We are doing Lacrosse...



Until next time,



The LAX Mom

(aka Anice)